Below are the good folks who have been such asshats, they ended up on my list of people who I'd like to lock on a train just before I send it crashing off a cliff. The numbers are meaningless, just a way to identify the loser(s) who piss. me. off.
(Well, crap. Apparently I signed up with Twitter as death_wish_list. And apparently I need to add myself to this list just for being such a fucking sheep. Anyhoodle, if you need a rant in 140 characters or less, get thee to Twitter to see whom I'm killin' off.) -----------------------------------------------------------------------
30. It's Freaky Friday and to honor that, let's take a moment to stow the hate and show some love. Today's loverage goes to Christian Kane. He's smart, talented and seems to be a genuinely nice guy. He's also one of the hardest working guys in the entertainment industry. He acts (currently on Leverage, and movies coming soon to a theater near you), he sings (his new album comes out sometime in the next couple of months). And he als......oh who am I kidding. He's hot. Smoky, raspy voice....gorgeous blue eyes....biceps that make me think dirty, dirty thoughts..... Fine. I'm shallow and superficial. I admit it. But don't let my failings stop you from checking him out (did I mention he's got a great ass?). And when Miley gets back to Twitter, she can check out Christian's tweets.
29. This morning I was considering the idea of posting about gay marriage and Prop 8 and whatnot. The reasons why I wouldn't write about it is I 1.)might actually froth at the mouth and scare the shit out of my coworkers (but then I realized that's actually a good thing) and 2.) I didn't think I could do it justice so maybe I should work on it and do it later after I've worked on it and given it a serious amount of effort. So I wrote about Miley Cyrus instead.
Honestly, I don't care about trying to convince people to quit being homophobic. I just want homophobic to leave the gays alone. Quit acting like douchebags and just live and let live. It's what Jesus did. Remember him? The guy who loved everyone? Nice guy, didn't judge others for being different. W.W.J.D.? Jesus Would Be A Great Person. Go ahead, give it a try.
28. I just read that Miley Cyrus cancelled her Twitter account because her boyfriend wanted her to do so. Apparently, since he doesn't have an account he doesn't want her to have an account. Maybe she doesn't know we're in the 21st century. Maybe I should send her a calender that was printed after The Dark Ages. Maybe one of her fucking parents should sit her immature, underage and desperate-for-love self down and explain that she should never give up who she is just to please some guy. Trust me, Miley, there are puh-lenty of great guys out there. Some of them even have Twitter accounts.
27. So, Vick the Dick is getting a "reality" show. I'm trying to think of something snarky to write but my mind is officially blank. I'll just go with the classic: WTF?
26. Paris Hilton will be guest starring on Supernatural tonight (Oct. 8th). I genuinely appreciate her willingness to do the show and to bring much needed attention to the show. Whomever does the marketing for that show is sooooo on my list because they do a piss. poor. job. of. it. So really, if getting Paris to do the show drives viewers to it, fine. I can deal. However, having said that, I really really really really really really hope her character gets killed slowly and painfully. And if El Deano nails her, I will vomit. Repeatedly. (updated to add: Paris did well and Dean got his ass whooped by yet another 100 pound girl. I don't know why that always cracks me up but I love that the show constantly has him getting wailed on by girls. Thanks, Kripke!)
25. People who text while......well.....while doing anything. Driving, walking across four lanes of traffic, at the friggin' opera (<--I'm not making that one up).....just stop it. You're making an ass out of yourself. Well, a bigger ass, I should say. And since I know you don't understand spelled out words, I'll write it in your language:
ZOMG!!!!1!1!!!! SRSLY????//???? U R StUpId!!!!!1!!!!!!
24. Whoever convinced LL Cool J to be part of that crapfest, NCIS: Los Angeles should never work in the entertainment industry again. LLCJ is such a talented guy and that show is beyond demeaning to his talent. James, if you read this, find a loophole and get yourself killed off the show. Then go join Supernatural as a rogue hunter or Burn Notice as a member of Team Westen (...who accidentally kills Fiona....I'm just sayin'....). Or heck, have someone develop an action/adventure show with you as the lead/hero. Add Mos Def in as the buddy/partner of your character and you've got one heck of a good time. (having said that, I have no doubt you LOVE working with Linda Hunt. Because who the heck wouldn't???)
23. People who let children sit in their lap in a car (instead of making sure the child is securely seated/belted as per the freaking law...) should be considered child abusers and should have their children taken away from them. I have no doubt that if anything happened to those children in a car wreck (God forbid...seriously, God forbid!), those same people would blame everyone except themselves. Lawsuits would be flying all over the place and those people would never accept they did anything to cause their child's injury/death. Hate them so much.
22. Know what I'd like to do to the brainless twits who interrupt me while I'm reading a book? I'd like to pound their brainless head in with the book. That's why they invented hardbound books, right???
21. People who make fun of handicapped people should never, ever, do it when I'm around. I will punch you in the throat. Repeatedly.
20. Eric Kripke is NOT, I repeat NOT, on my list. In fact, I heart The Kripkeeper just because he gave the world the Brothers Winchester. Kripster, I heart you. And the Supernatural writers. All of you should be feeling warm, tingly feelings directed at you. If those warm, tingly feelings land around your nether regions, even better. :)
19. The people who interrupt me while I'm working and then start the conversation with "Do you mind if I interrupt you?" are goddam stupid. If you're interrupting me to ask if you can interrupt me, maybe you should rethink interrupting me. Either get to the point or don't bug me. Better yet, avoid me like the plague. Trust me, I won't be offended if you pretend I don't exist.
18. The creator of spam email is totally fucked if I ever find them.
17. On my list.....women who criticize me for calling another woman a cunt. Here's a shocker, ladies, some women are cunts. If a woman acts like a cunt, I call her a cunt. That's not being anti-Sisterhood, that's being honest. Deal. With. It.
16. Roman Polanski.
15. People who come to America and then bitch about America are totally on the list. Here's the thing, folks..... America is the Land of Opportunity, not the Land of Perfect. The USofA isn't known for being perfect, just a great place to make a great life if you are willing to do what it takes to have that life. That's it. We do not guarantee you'll be happy or rich or have an easy time of it. We just guarantee you can try to have the life you want. Also, if you don't like our country, we give you the opportunity to go back to whatever hellhole you came from. Because let's face it, if your country was so awesome, you wouldn't have left it, would you? Please, shut up or feel free to leave at any time.
14. Kanye West is not on my list. That's right, Kanye, that bit of douchebaggery you pulled on Taylor Swift at the VMAs yesterday is not enough for me to put you on my list. In fact, I want you to live a very, very long life in which the other 6 billion people on the planet do things that annoy the fuck out of you and by the time you die at age 101, you're completely and totally insane and have constant diarrhea. Just like your fucking mouth.
13. Men who think taking care of their children is "babysitting". It's not babysitting, asshole, it's parenting. Quit being a dick and enjoy your kids while you can.
12. Brace yourself, I'm worked up..... Feminazis, you are ON MY LIST. Seriously. Y'all make me so sick with your man bashing and blaming and whining and agggghhhhhh......... Okay, let's start from the beginning, kids. Firstly, a feminist is one who believes women should have equal rights as men. So far, so good, right? Let's keep going; a feminist wants equal rights, not special rights. They want the right to build themself up, not the right to tear someone down. Honest-to-God feminists simply want to be able to live their life as they see fit. Got that? Let's move on to the feminazi. Feminazis are just a bunch of propaganda spouting, low self esteem bearing, man blaming whiners. That's it. They don't care one bit about helping others have better lives. They don't care about equality for everyone, just themselves. They want special treatment without having to earn it.
I've always said those kind of women were absolutely desperate for men to worship them and when men don't (usually because those women just don't have much to offer), those women get horribly, horribly bitter. So, here's a piece of advice to those women: GET OVER YOUR EGO. Learn to be awesome and then you'll have all the male attention you could possibly want. Use your brain, learn to be an interesting conversationalist, get a sense of humor, and get therapy to work through your daddy issues, body issues, why-can't-men-see-how-great-I-am issues. Also, quit acting like men owe you. They don't owe you a damn thing. The only thing you should expect from your man is friendship, love and sex. They aren't here to financially support you, build up your self esteem or make you happy. You are in charge of those so don't bitch when your guy doesn't feel like being responsible for your life/decisions/happiness.
You do all that and trust me, you'll have to beat men off with a stick. (And I'm talking about the good men, not the Jon Gosselins of the world.) Bonus..... you won't have that snarly, bitter look on your face. Which means less wrinkles.
11. People who believe the crapola in the Hollywood tabloids. And then sit around analysing and debating the "facts" and rumors.
10. Whoever invented Diet Coke. That shit is totally addictive. Deliciously, deliciously addictive.
9. Whoever invented blue eyeshadow.
8. People who wear flip flops and don't pick up their feet when they walk. Pick. Up. Your. Feet. You are not a fucking caveman (<--said my mother when I was growing up. But without the "fucking" part. Because she's a lady.)
7. People who twitter about nothing. Why on earth do you think that "just bought a salad" is so fucking interesting? At least tell us what is in the salad in case a foodie is reading. Otherwise, wait until your brain actually functions before typing those 140 characters.
6. Men with combovers. Ick. Ew. Just cut/shave it off and be done with it.
5. People who say there's nothing good on tv. Fuck you. If you can't find something good on tv, it's probably because you're stupid. Go watch Supernatural, Burn Notice, Sons of Anarchy, Castle (<-- pure charm!), Leverage (<--Burn Notice Lite), etc. If you don't have cable, buy dvds. But don't be snotty just because you're too afraid you'll look stupid if you admit that a lot of great shows go over your pointy little head.
4. People who talk in the theater (hi, Shepard Book!)
3. People who pronounce "supposedly" as "supposably". Ditto to "library" being changed to "libary".
2. Celebutards/fame whores.
1. People who don't refill the goddam ice trays before tossing them back into the freezer.
